Roll the DICE
by SouthernDemocraticRepublicans
Summary: Kokichi Ouma, the brains behind the mostly harmless trouble-making gang known as D.I.C.E., is 100% confident in his robot boyfriend's ability to help his group steal a priceless moon rock from Momota Manor. Kiibo has no idea what he did to deserve such trust. AU where almost everyone's a member of D.I.C.E., Shuichi and Kaede are detectives, and Maki works for Kaito


The inside of the van was dimly lit and silent, tension palpable as all eyes focused on the blueprint laid out on the table before them. Smoothing his thin fingers over the sides of the plan, the group's violet-haired leader took a deep breath, glanced around at the ten teenagers surrounding him, all clad in slight variations of the same white outfit, and officially began:

"Prophet, Mage, and Chop Chop: you ladies have perimeter patrol. Until we've secured the target, no one gets in, no one goes out, and the security cameras stay down. Understand?"

"Ya-ha!"

"As if we need an explanation from a degenerate male like you! Right, Mage?"

"Nyeh... that sounds like a lot of work."

"Great! Next up, I'm putting Ladybug, Snapper, and Screwer on infiltration. We WILL find a way into Momota Manor, whether it be through brute force, sneaking around, or... persuasion."

"Gonta will do his best to help friends!"

"Hey, Ladybug, we're only supposed to use our code names in here..."

"Oh, Gon- Ladybug sorry! So sorry!"

"Yeesh... Looks like you've still got a ways to go."

"Oi, virgin rat! I thought we agreed my code name was 'Screw_driver_', not 'Screwer'!"

"But y'know, 'Screwer' really is a more accurate description. Unless you want to go back to being 'Cumdumpster', I suggest you accept it."

"Ugh..."

"Since that's settled, I'm assigning your respective surveillances to Sister, Empress, and Green. They'll stay in the van and keep their headsets on at all times, just in case any of you run into trouble. Sound good?"

"Keh heh heh... I shall do my best to monitor the precious Ladybug throughout his quest for entry."

"Without a doubt, I will fulfill my duty and properly care for Snapper. I will tend to his every need."

"Then I got Screwdriver. Can't say I'm looking forward to listening in on her 'persuasion' attempts, but I'll try to stomach it."

"You'll be fine, Green! I only put my smartest men and women on surveillance duty, after all."

"HEY!"

"Down, Chop Chop."

"I get that _I'm_ not super smart, but Mage is a little girl genius!"

"Hey, 'girl genius' is MY title, you horny lesbian!"

"You use that term like it's an insult, degenerate-lover."

"Ladies, ladies, please! You're both beautiful, except for Screwer!"

"Hey! Who asked you, motherfu-"

"Hmph. As if I care what you think!"

"Now, now, if you're both done bonding over your overwhelming hatred of yours truly, for my final assignment..."

Kokichi Ouma, the saucy captain of the secret group called "D.I.C.E.", turned to meet the bright eyes of his clearly nervous boyfriend, the newest member of the gang.

This would be his first mission.

"...Roboboy and I, code name Leader, will wait for our grand entrance. Does that sound like a plan?"

The assembly of teenagers all nodded or offered sounds of approval, except for Kiibo. He simply glanced downward, quietly fretting, "Are we really going to break in and steal it? Isn't that dangerous, and... illegal?"

Kokichi rolled his eyes with a grin.

"That's _why_ we're doing it, silly! And don't worry: we've done schemes far more dangerous than this and survived! Haven't been caught yet, either."

With that said, the supreme leader quickly kissed his boyfriend on the nose, then ran off to help Himiko and Angie with disabling the security cameras.

Kiibo glanced down at his hands, picking at the D.I.C.E. outfit Kokichi had convinced him to wear. The supreme leader had claimed it made him look hot, but he couldn't help but feel like it didn't suit him.

Suddenly feeling a hand gently patting him on the shoulder, the robot turned to find Rantaro Amami, code name 'Green', offering him a comforting smile.

"Don't worry," he assured, "you can trust Leader. He's gotten us through all sorts of insane situations before."

Putting his hands on his hips, the lime-haired boy let out a huffy breath. "In fact, I'd probably be in a lot of trouble right now if it weren't for him. That kid knows what he's doing. Well, there's no need to worry about that now."

With another smile and a twirl of his hair, he paced away mysteriously.

Kiibo took another deep breath, still just as nervous after their conversation as he had been before.

"Tea?" offered the silver-haired Kirumi Tojo, code name Empress, thrusting a thermos in his general direction.

"Um, no thank you," the robot sweated, "I don't drink."

Covering her mouth with a gloved hand, the woman insisted, "Naturally, it's non-alcohol- Oh." She stopped herself. "You meant that you don't typically drink _anything_, didn't you?"

"Yeah..." Kiibo flushed, feeling awkward. Clearly, having a robot companion would take some getting used to. He smiled in what he hoped was a friendly manner. "Thank you anyway, though."

Kirumi broke into a low curtesy. "Please forgive me. I have never had the pleasure of attending to someone of your composition before."

"Kheh-heh-heh... It would appear that there are, in fact, beings that Empress is incapable of extending her motherly hospitality to," interjected a masked man. He was the only member, other than Kokichi with his cap and cloak, allowed to wear an accessory that wasn't white.

"Sister," Kirumi sighed, "you know that my attempts won't end here. Surely, I will find some way that I can tend to Roboboy."

Kiibo cringed.

Taking note, the maid-type panicked, "Oh! Do you dislike your code name?!"

"It's... not exactly ideal," he aggressively shrugged, eyes rolling slightly.

"Oh?" Korekiyo inquired, surprised, "I thought that Leader would give a favorable code name to at least his lover, if no one else."

Blushing, Kiibo explained, "It's not like 'Roboboy' isn't an accurate description; I'd just like to be thought of as more than a robot, you know?"

Upon receiving a pair of sympathetic nods, he continued, "I am a little confused about your code name, though, Sister."

Korekiyo's face blued as he fiercely clutched his sides. "Ah, mmm, that would be because, one time... Will you elaborate, Empress?"

He rushed away, leaving Kirumi to explain:

"On one mission, Leader needed someone to go undercover with him and act the role of his older sister. Seeing as I had a separate task, Mage and Prophet looked too young, and Chop Chop and Screwer were too aggressive for the part, Leader ordered code name Sister - previously code name 'Pharaoh' - to take over. Leader has insisted on calling him 'Sister' ever since."

Leaning in to whisper, Empress noted, "Between you and me, he looks absolutely ravishing in scarlet lipstick."

Kiibo raised his hands in surprise, turning to glimpse at Korekiyo once more and almost elbowing the face of Ryoma, who had snooped in to listen and was now tugging down on his white hat soberly.

"Most of our code names have stories like that," he explained darkly, glancing up at Kirumi with wide eyes.

"Really? What's yours?" inquired Kiibo.

Ryoma glanced away. "Mine has three meanings: Snapper as in the tennis move, Snapper meaning 'fast' and 'sharp', and Snapper as in-"

"A-hem," Empress interrupted, visibly upset, "_We do not talk about the piranha incident._"

"P-piranhas?!" Kiibo started.

The young woman turned to him with a fierce glare. "I said, we don't talk about it."

"Oh? Are we talking about the piranha incident again?" Prophet peeped up, palms playfully smushing into her cheeks. "Nyahahaha~! What a perfect welcome story for Roboboy!"

To escape the wrath of Tojo, the short, tan girl tugged on Kiibo's arm, leading him over to where she could privately ask,

"So, so! Now that you've joined D.I.C.E., will you also consider joining the Church of the Mighty Atua?"

"The... what?!"

"C'mon! It's great fun!" Angie soothed. "Leader preaches religious tolerance to everyone in our group, so there's no fear of persecution!"

"Stop bullying the new recruit into joining your little cult!" Tenko, aka Chop Chop, demanded from nearby, assuming a battle stance.

"Now, now," Prophet awed, eyes wide and serious as she leaned forward, a single finger outstretched. "I'm not bullying anyone. Atua hates bullying! However, if you don't stop calling our respectable organization a cult, Chop Chop…"

Her pupils dilated. "…We might just need to make a holy sacrifice."

Ignoring the shorter girl's threat, Chop Chop tugged Kiibo to the side, then sized him up, giving him a once-over before declaring,

"Hmm. Well, you don't seem to be a _complete_ degenerate. I suppose you're okay."

Kiibo wondered, "Th-Thank you?"

"Just stay away from Mage and we should be fine," she dismissed, wandering off to get her headset prepared.

The new recruit slowly turned around, only to walk face-first into the chest of the tallest member of the gang.

"Gyah!"

"Ladybug sorry! Ladybug not see Roboboy there!"

Upon examining the muscular man, Kiibo observed that he appeared genuine in his apology and incredibly good-natured. Quickly, he amended, "No, it was my fault for not looking where I was walking."

The gentleman nodded understandingly, looking apologetic nonetheless.

Deciding this would be a safe member to strike up a conversation with, Kiibo asked,

"Say, Ladybug, how did you get your code name? Is there some story behind it?"

"Oh! Um…" Gonta thought for a moment, before stating, "Oh yeah! It cuz Ladybug really like ladybugs!"

Giving a sideways smile, Kiibo replied, "I see."

"Also, there one time when Ladybug was on big mission. Ladybug's job was watching for friends, waiting for important signal. Back then, Ladybug fake named 'Tarzan'. Tarzan supposed to watch real good, but there was pretty ladybug nearby…"

The man continued sheepishly. "Tarzan miss the signal. Friends got in trouble cuz of Tarzan."

Giving a nervous frown, Kiibo replied, "I see…"

Then, Gonta clenched his fists, bellowing,

"But Tarzan try real hard to make it right! Tarzan fight for friends! Tarzan tear down brick wall and save captured friends!"

He nodded to himself. "Then, later, friends ask 'Where was Tarzan?' and Tarzan say 'Watching ladybug'. That how Tarzan become Ladybug."

Kiibo thought about that story for a moment. He was about to ask more questions, about the nature of the mission, how long it took him to realize the other D.I.C.E. members were trapped, or if he really tore down a brick wall, when the larger man interjected,

"Ah! Ladybug need to get ready for mission. But Ladybug enjoy talking to Roboboy! Roboboy should talk to Ladybug again!"

"Thanks! I will!" he managed.

"Bye, Roboboy!"

"Bye, Ladybug."

Almost as soon as the brawny man left, a lustful voice beckoned Kiibo from the shadows.

"Are you gonna take a turn with me, too?"

"Huh?" Kiibo whirled around, only to see Screwer, er, Screwdriver, whichever one it was, approaching him and twirling her hair.

"I've been trying to get you alone ever since you came in here." She twitched, sweating. "Just thinking about your body is making me… anh…"

Looking around nervously, the robot wondered, "Are you okay?"

"Urk! S-sorry…" she muttered, folding in on herself. "I've just never worked with a robot before, so I'm a little curious as to how your parts work."

Kiibo relaxed a bit, confirming, "You're kind of like a mechanic, right?"

The woman nodded enthusiastically.

He amicably suggested, "Well, maybe I could show you some of my functions after the mission, if you'd like."

The offer seemed to please Screwer a lot more than it should have. She perked up, flaunting,

"Ha! A little eager, aren't we? Well, I can't blame you for jumping at the chance to strip for _this_ girl genius, massive tits n' all!"

She barked out a laugh.

When Kiibo squirmed uncomfortably, she jabbed a finger into his chest. "What, goin' soft on me now? C'mon, there's no need to be shy! I just want to take a good look at your…"

"Stay back, slut," Kokichi commanded, suddenly appearing behind them.

Kiibo stepped aside, allowing his boyfriend to scowl fiercely at the girl.

"God, didn't I tell you that Robobabe is off-limits? Do I _need_ to put you on a leash to keep you from hoeing over every male in a twenty-foot radius?"

The supreme leader bit his thumb. "Scratch that: you'd probably _like_ the leash."

"H-hey! No kink-shaming!" Miu mewled, blushing, "You know that turns me on."

Leader rolled his eyes, taking Kiibo by the hand and dismissing,

"Ignore her; are you ready for the mission?"

"R-ready?" Kiibo stammered, "Umm…"

"Cameras are offline," whined the tiny red-head from the van's corner.

"Excellent job, Mage!" Leader cheered.

"Y-you disabled all the security cameras!?" the newest member gawked, turning from Kokichi to the other girl and back again. "How?!"

Himiko glanced up at him, wide eyes filling with light, though her tone remained bland.

"I blocked them using my maaagic."

Chop Chop ran over, praising, "You're amazing!"

"Ohh?" sang Prophet, "Are we ready to go?"

"Yep!" Kokichi ordered, "First squadron, head out!"

Opening the van doors, Empress reminded, "Remember to keep in contact. Stay safe."

"Always!" Chop Chop grinned, backflipping out of the van.

"Bye-onara!" laughed Prophet, exiting with a graceful leap.

"Call me back soon, please," groaned the final member of their party, trudging over to the doors. "Perimeter patrol is a lot of work."

With a brief "Nyeh", Mage leaped out through the van doors, which were promptly closed and locked once more.

Kiibo frantically looked around. "What now?"

"Now," Kokichi replied, pacing over to a nearby computer set, "We wait. Once the girls are in position, the second squadron will head out."

Glancing over at the blueprints on the table, which was fastened to the center of the van's storage space, Kiibo reviewed the details of the mission once more:

The semi-spacious white van that would be serving as D.I.C.E. HQ for this mission was parked nearby the famous Momota Manor, home to the legendary astronaut Kaito Momota.

Within that manor, in a room known as the Space Hall, sat a priceless moon rock collected by the aforementioned astronaut on his last trip to space.

Kokichi Ouma, the Ultimate Supreme Leader, decreed that D.I.C.E. should steal that space rock, despite the intense security protecting it, in order to "assert dominance" and "have fun".

Naturally, everyone agreed that was a tremendous idea… other than Kiibo, of course. Kiibo was frankly worried about the group's safety and sanity.

"Front entrance is blocked off!" announced Chop Chop through one headset.

"I've got eyes on the back woods~!" yodeled Prophet through another.

"I'm on the roof… Nyeh," confirmed Mage.

Kokichi grinned, flourishing his cape. "Marvelous! Second squadron, whenever you're ready!"

Screwer, Ladybug, and Snapper stepped up to the doors.

Ladybug smiled back at Kiibo and waved, "Bye Roboboy!" before stepping out with a thud.

He offered a gentlemanly hand back to Screwer, who squeezed her chest and moaned, "After the mission, okay?" and left.

"Later," shot Snapper, darting off into the night with an irritated yet determined expression.

The group had only just left when Kokichi turned and grabbed Kiibo's hand, beaming.

"Let's go watch, Roboboy!"

"Wh-Where are we going?" the robot stammered as his boyfriend led him out of the van, leaving the other three to check surveillance feeds and monitor the others on headsets.

"Up!" cheered the supreme leader, promptly turning around and, after getting a lift from Rantaro on the inside, climbing on top of the van.

Nervously gawking, Kiibo glanced at Rantaro. The adventurer smirked.

"He likes to sit in high up places. It makes him feel taller."

"HEY! I heard that! And I am NOT self-conscious about my height!"

"Whatever you say, Leader."

First stepping on the back of the van, then onto Rantaro's braced hands, Kiibo lifted himself up towards the van's roof, taking Kokichi by the hand and letting his lover pull him up the rest of the way.

"Ngah! You sure are heavy, aren't you, Roboboy?"

"This is a perfectly normal weight for a robot, thank you very much!"

"Yeah, for a _robot_, I guess."

"That tone is clearly robophobic!"

"Nishishi~! You know I'm just messing with you. You're so cute when you're mad~!"

Kiibo sighed, shaking his head. His settings informed him that the night was cool and there was a slight breeze, although that had no effect on him. The night sky sparkled with far-off stars, but none so bright as the glints in Kokichi's eyes.

The small dictator looked happier than Kiibo had ever seen him, grinning ear-to-ear, but in a genuine, heart-warming way. His violet hair shone glossily in the dull parking lot streetlamps, and he kicked up his feet, gently, aimlessly swinging them back and forth.

He sighed contentedly, bright eyes gazing over the scenery and finally settling on Kiibo. Amorously, his lips broke into a smile, and he leaned in for a gentle kiss. As their lips locked, Kokichi was warm, Kiibo thought. He'd never noticed that before.

"Isn't it beautiful?" the supreme leader whispered when they finally broke apart from their embrace. "It's moments like this when it feels like the whole world is…"

His voice trailed off. Inside the van, Green was leading a grave conversation through his headset.

"Come in, Screwer.

…Hm?

…Oh, I see.

Do you wanna report back to base? We could switch roles."

Kokichi swung down into the van, forming a question via hand gestures.

Rantaro covered his headset, mouthing, "One of the security guards at the entrance is probably gay."

Forming an, "Ohhh," the supreme leader gestured to his boyfriend to come down and join them.

The headset conversation continued,

"…Oh?

Well, if you're confident, then go for it.

…Alright, see you on the other side."

Pulling his headphones around his neck, Rantaro turned to face the couple.

"She thinks he might be bi. She's gonna try for it."

Kokichi examined his manicure. "She _would._ Alright, Robobabe, let's go see how she did." With a flick of his cape, he strode toward the exit. "We're heading out."

Influenced by Leader's confident attitude and the kiss still lingering on his lips, Kiibo didn't find it in himself to be afraid. He nodded at the three final D.I.C.E. members in the van, offering, "See you later," as he finally departed.

* * *

Leader and Roboboy peeked around the corner silently, quickly hustling a few steps to hide behind a nearby shrub. They could see a pair of security guards manning the main entrance, but no Screwer in sight.

"Did it work?" Roboboy muttered as softly as he could. "Did she accomplish… whatever she was trying to do?"

Tilting his head sideways, Leader quietly concluded, "There's about a fifty-fifty chance that she succeeded." Facing the entrance, he elaborated, "I can tell you with certainty that when she showed up, four men were guarding the entrance. Now, there are only two."

The smaller boy shrugged. "Whether those guards left to escort her to bed or escort her to jail, we can't be sure. It doesn't really matter, in the end. Either way, she reduced security. She served her purpose."

Kiibo gawked at his partner's nonchalant attitude. Kokichi further explained, "Don't worry: people get captured on these missions all the time. It's even happened to me! We'll just rescue her later."

Nerves assuaged, the robot turned back to the current situation. "So, what's our plan for getting past the remaining two guards?"

Cracking his knuckles, Leader proclaimed, "Whatever it is, we'd better act fast! Screwer can't occupy the others for _too_ much longer!"

Violently pressing a button on his headset, the leader proclaimed, "I'mma need Ladybug, Mage, and Snapper at the entrance, stat. Tell them we don't have a plan. They'll know what to do."

Eyes wide, the robot sputtered, "What do you mean, 'we don't have a plan, they'll know what to do'?! What kind of leader are you?"

Laughing, he replied, "My dear Roboboy, but not having a plan _is_ the plan! If you don't have a plan, then your enemies won't know what to expect any more than you will! Besides…"

He smirked creepily, face going dark.

"Chaos is my realm of specialty."

As if on cue, a sudden cawing of birds bombarded the skies. The guards ducked as a flood of pigeons flew into them, knocking them aside, before drawing back to cloud around a certain magical redhead.

"Behold!" announced Mage, "And be amazed by the power of maaaagic!"

The guards exchanged a glance before charging at the small girl. Just as one of them was about to draw a weapon, though, it was smacked out of his hand by a rock, hit at lightning speed.

"Using a weapon like that on a girl? What kind of punk are you?" drawled Snapper, a metal tennis racket in one hand, tossing another rock in the other. "Looks like you've still got a ways to go."

As the second guard directed his attention to Snapper, Mage ordered, "Attack!" and with a flourish of cards, pigeons, and sparkles, she flew at the poor man, who panicked with a scream of, "Witch! Witch!"

"I'm a mage, not a witch!"

_*thwap*_ "I'm not about to let anybody take away my family again." _*thwap*_

"Let's go!" shouted Leader through the pandemonium, grabbing Roboboy by the hand and dragging him to the entrance.

They reached the door, a massive, fortress-like slab of violet metal. It was sealed shut by a fingerprint scanner, a keypad pin, and a camera identity lock.

"How are we going to get passed this?" Roboboy exclaimed, crestfallen. He glanced at the chaos occurring behind him. If they didn't break through the doors soon, they would both be captured, and it would all be over.

"Like this!" Leader smiled, simply pushing the door open without issue and pulling his companion inside before he even had time to gasp.

Once they were both in, the supreme leader firmly shut the doors, blocking the entrance with a table from the side of the hallway so that no guards could follow them in.

"We shut down the security system along with the cameras," he casually explained to his lover. "Some of our members are surprisingly good with technology."

"I see," the robot concurred, amused. "You… really put a lot of trust in D.I.C.E., don't you?"

Face going blank, Kokichi answered, "Well, yeah. Why wouldn't I? They're my best friends." Glancing off, he mused, "If I can't trust them, who can I trust?"

"Yeah, I guess so," Kiibo agreed. The pair wandered down the entrance hallway together, approaching another locked door obstructing their path.

"That goes for you, too, Kiiboy," Leader added, pulling out his lock-picking tools to attack the door in front of him. "I might just trust you most of all."

The robot felt himself blush. "Thank you, I guess."

"I never said that was a good thing," the supreme leader grinned, opening the door with a click. They walked the rest of the way in silence, recalling the twists and turns of the manor from the blueprints as they found their way through the maze of a manor to the familiar location Space Hall.

Finally, they came to a somewhat dark corridor, long and empty, or seemingly so. A voice echoed from the shadows far end: "So, you actually came."

"Well, _duh_. It would be hard for us to be here if we didn't come." Leader taunted.

"…Do you want to die?" came the gruff, yet feminine response, as the figure of a young woman stepped out from the shadows.

Her face was shaded black, covered by the hood of a blood-red cloak from which two streams of dark brown hair flowed. Her stance was wide and athletic, highlighting her pale legs and tall boots. Although it was dark, her eyes pierced down the hallway, looming, targeting Kokichi Ouma and glaring at him with intense loathing.

"Who is that?" Roboboy tentatively asked.

"_That_ is Momota-kun's pet assassin. I figured he would keep her somewhere around here." Leader grinned charmingly at her. "What was your name again? Maki Rol-"

"KOKICHI!" the robot screamed, shoving him out of the way just as a jet black arrow whizzed by the spot where his heart had been.

The leader, having been flung against the wall, rubbed his head and adjusted his cap, grumbling, "Now, now, remember the codenames, Roboboy."

"Forget that!" the robot ordered, giving his partner a hand up, "She just sh-"

A second arrow came an inch away from Kokichi's head when Kiibo shot out his left hand to catch it.

"Nice aim," the human boy breathed, eyes wide.

"Hmph," the assassin replied, finger twitching on the trigger to a blackened crossbow. "Who are you?" she demanded, "Not the grape-colored brat, but the robot."

Kokichi declared, "He's with me," to which Maki growled, "Did I ask you?!"

Answering her own question, the red-clad girl shook her head. "No, I'm asking him. See, I have permission to kill the phantom thief, leader of D.I.C.E., on sight." She narrowed her eyes. "I didn't expect there to be someone else with you."

Shakily breathing, Kiibo mustered up his courage, taking a sideways stance.

"It's like he said," he tried to state boldly, "I'm with him. If you want to kill him…"

He revved himself up, preparing to use full energy, if necessary.

"…then you'll have to go through me."

"So be it," Maki sighed, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "My idiot boss insisted that I give everyone except the leader a chance to run, so I've done my duty." She drew back the bow. "I won't hesitate any longer."

Before she had even finished the phrase, the arrows began to soar, one after the other, all headed towards the two boys with deadly precision. All the while, she sprinted at them, aim improving, shots moving faster with every well-calculated pace as she approached.

Kiibo bolted, snatching arrow after arrow, deflecting them away from his lover first, then himself. After collecting a handful, he flung them back at Maki, aiming not to hit her, but rather to drive her back a few steps.

She skillfully dodged, sliding down on one leg, then taking three more shots, targeting the robot's head.

He deflected one, two, then found himself unable to grab hold of the third one, instead sticking out his hand and letting the tip of the arrow hit his palm. The point connected with a metallic clink, then fell to the ground, completely ineffective against his alloy skin.

"I assume the Space Hall is just down this way, then?" Kokichi wondered, pointing, speaking in the same tone as if he were a house guest asking which way to the bathroom.

"Like Hell I'd let you get there!" the assassin roared, quickly reloading and sending off a new torrent of fatal arrows.

However, this time, Kiibo had more of a strategy, and as he blocked, he got closer, and closer, then charged and tackled the vicious girl to the ground, holding her in place with his body weight.

"Run, Kokichi!" he pleaded, struggling to keep her down.

"Awww, thanks, Roboboy~!" the little leader gushed, casually sauntering away. "I'll be back in a bit, okay? I have an expensive new paperweight I need to pick up."

Maki growled, squirming, kicking, doing anything she could to escape Kiibo's grasp, but to no avail.

Kokichi smirked at her failed attempts, condescending, "Have fun!" as he continued to strut toward the door.

With renewed rage-driven vigor, the girl drove her elbow into Kiibo's metallic gut, causing intense pain for both of them, but managing to wiggle her crossbow out from the hold. Still underneath the robot, she aimed and fired an arrow at the leader's feet.

Kiibo shot out his hand but knew he would be too slow to catch the arrow before it hit his lover. Panic flooded his senses, and he was about to cry out when suddenly, in the blink of an eye, Kokichi Ouma dodged to the side, just a simple hop, like a spoiled child playing hopscotch.

The arrow missed. The supreme leader didn't even look back. They didn't need to see his face to know that he was smirking.

And hence, Kokichi entered the Space Hall, closing the door behind him, merrily leaving the lethal battle in his wake.

* * *

The Hall was mostly dark when he entered it, with a single spotlight shining on the desired item: the moon rock.

It radiated a certain aura of the ethereal, colored a pastel blue-plum, appearing as light as a feather yet simultaneously quite dense.

Kokichi whistled, hands folded behind his head. "That's quite a treasure you got there, isn't it, Kaito Momota?"

The lights flickered on to reveal that sure enough, there sat the astronaut himself on a throne-like chair, elevated by a stairway, rubbing his goateed chin as he observed,

"Man, I have to admit that I'm pretty impressed you actually made it this far. Your team must really be something, to get past all the guards, locks, and mazes, not to mention Maki Roll."

The supreme leader grinned, "Yeah, well, we both know a team is only as good as its leader."

"MMPH!" disagreed Miu, who was propped up at Kaito's feet, tied up and duct-taped.

"Oh yeah, I caught one of yours earlier," the astronaut remarked. He stooped down to remove the binding on her mouth.

Miu quivered, whining, "He was gay…"

Kokichi simply snickered. "You know, she'd probably be happier as your prisoner than coming back with me. She's the type who likes being all tied up like that."

With that, he meandered over to the podium, pressing buttons with subtle beeps and clicks. "I'll just be taking that moon rock now, thanks."

Kaito pressed two clenched fists together. "Yeah, well you can't have it! Why do you want to steal my moon rock, anyway? I hear you don't have any black market connections. You aren't in it for the money. Then what's it to you?"

Adding in a few more numbers to the display case, the leader waxed poetic, "Well, why did you decide to become an astronaut? Why spend so much time and money conquering the stars?"

Grinning, he turned back to the moon rock as the first case cracked open. "For the exact same reason that I'm doing this: Simply because it's there."

"That's enough!" proclaimed a voice from the shadows, "Step away from the case!" A pair of figures wielding guns, one wearing pink, the other blue, emerged from the room's corner and trained their weapons on Kokichi. He put his hands up and took a step back.

The blonde-haired girl brandished an I.D. badge. "Kaede Akamatsu and Shuichi Saihara, private detectives in league with the local police force. We're here to place you, D.I.C.E. member 001, code name 'Leader', under arrest!"

Mustering a beyond surprised and dramatic face, Leader vibratoed, "Oh! The police? Who would have ever thought you'd call them? I sure am surprised by this sudden- GONTA!"

He commanded, voice echoing around the room with an impending sense of doom.

It was met with silence.

Kokichi glanced around.

"…Gonta? C'mon, Ladybug, this is embarrassing."

….

...

Silence.

"Gonta?"

*thump*

Slowly turning around once more, Kokichi watched, eyes wide, as out of a hidden locker fell his buff entomologist friend, bound and gagged, crying at his helplessness.

"We should probably mention that we already detained some of your friends," Shuichi lamented. "And by 'some', I mean…"

*thump*

*thump*

*thump*

*thump*

"… All of your friends."

Stunned, the supreme leader looked down at the frightened and remorseful faces of Tenko, Ryoma, Angie, Himiko, then back at Miu, Gonta, his friends, his allies… the ones he trusted, and the ones he failed.

"…I'm sorry, guys…" the leader of D.I.C.E. whispered solemnly, choking down his emotions. "We'll get through this, somehow."

"You have the right to remain silent," explained Shuichi, adjusting his black cap, "We'll treat you all with respect and civility as we take you down to the station. Keep in mind that we will have to separate you, at least into males and females. Anything you say can be held against you."

Biting his lip, Kokichi tried, "What if I say, 'private detective Shuichi Saihara's body'? Can that be held against me?" He met the boy's eyes with a smile. " 'Cause damn…"

Covering his mouth and possibly a blush, Shuichi insisted, "Stop it. That's not going to work."

"Yeah!" Kaede affirmed, "We're taking you in!"

At that moment, a peppy piano version of Pachelbel's Canon filled the room. Kaede blushed.

"Gosh, why is it that every time I'm about to make a big arrest, my phone rings? Give me a sec, Shuichi, let me take this…"

The blonde rushed back to the dark table beneath the window, picking up her pink-cased cell phone.

"Hello?" she answered, too focused on the phone to hear the apparent sound of people repelling down the rope beside her until one had already disarmed her.

"Nobody move!" ordered code name Green, gun in hand and pressed against Kaede's temple, "Or the girl detective gets it!"

"Kaede!" Shuichi gasped far too late, lowering his gun in the process and allowing Empress, who hastily slid down the rope after Green, to confiscate it.

With both detectives disarmed, she rushed to go untie Miu and the others, explaining, "We've activated Extraction Plan #275. Sister's waiting outside with the getaway."

Proud beyond words, Kokichi shot his arms outward, a smile tearing across his face.

"Oh, how the tables have turned!" he lorded, cackling to himself. He skipped over to Gonta, as it was policy to first untie the members who would be most useful in a fight.

Working through knots, he exclaimed, "I'll be taking my friends now, and that moon rock, while I'm at it. Just a little something to remember the occasion by."

"You're insane," Kaito scoffed, disgusted.

Kokichi whirled around, facing him head-on as he honestly questioned, "Oh? Did I ever claim to be sane?" Stepping forward he continued, "No, I didn't, because that would be a lie, and you know I hate lying."

Crossing one leg over the other, he winked. "Then again, that was a lie just now."

"Damnit," the Luminary of the Stars muttered, "can't we-"

"LET THE GIRL GO!" demanded a roughed-up Maki, storming through the doors with a crossbow in her right hand and Kiibo's ahoge in her left, "Or I kill the robot."

Other than being dragged across the floor by his hair and having a crossbow held to his head, Kiibo was an absolute mess. He had nearly been torn limb-from-limb, wires exposed, oil oozing from his face and joints. His low charge light blinked red-orange with urgency, and vital systems gave off signs of failing.

"I'm sorry," a semi-robotic, grating voice dejected, "1 tried, for you, I really tried…"

Kokichi couldn't look at him. His eyes faced forward, locked on Kaito's. Rantaro had yet to budge.

Sharply turning his head to Shuichi, the supreme leader snapped, "Well, if we take apart _your_ lover, can you put her back together again? Hmm? Can a few spare parts save her bullet-ridden corpse?"

"Y-you know my body doesn't work like that, Kokichi…" Kiibo whimpered. "I-I could-"

"Quiet, Kiibo."

Kokichi squeezed his eyes shut as he said the phrase, which was not so much an order as a plea. In his calculating silence, he remained upright, eyes now darting challengingly between his opponents, when suddenly,

"Look at him."

Kaito softly urged the boy, gesturing to the mechanical wreck.

"Just look at him."

The supreme leader slowly turned, keeping stiff upper lip, but with a single glimpse of the broken boy…

*thump*

…he crumbled.

A heartbroken Kokichi Ouma fell to his knees, eyes flooding with the first real tears he'd let fall in years. He was not a pretty crier, but rather a howling mess, crawling closer, gasping as he tried to make out the words:

"I…I wanted at least you to be safe, *hic*, if no one else… Please!" He choked, a man not used to begging, but finding himself so vulnerable, completely exposed, pleading.

"I… God! I-It was his first mission! Please…" He reached out one hand, and

"MAKI, NO!" Kaito ordered, on his feet as the assassin's trigger finger stopped a centimeter away from shooting an arrow through the supreme leader's skull. Kiibo collapsed forward into Kokichi's arms, using a final fracture of strength in vain attempt to intercept the never-fired arrow.

"WHY NOT?!" Maki demanded, "He's been nothing but a prick! He broke into your house! They beat me up, plus there's a bounty on his head!" She strengthened her grip on her crossbow, insisting, "Frankly, I'd be doing the world a public service."

"Let them go," Kaito soothed, voice calm, yet firm.

"…What?"

"I'm going to let them go."

The astronaut stepped down from his seat, steadily approaching where Kokichi sat on the floor, cradling a fractured Kiibo in his arms. The Luminary of the Stars offered, "If I agree to let you and your friends go, not further harmed and untracked, I trust you'll release Detective Akamatsu and leave it at that?"

The tears continued to stream down Kokichi's face, though the sobbing had stopped, leaving a weighted silence. Slowly, he nodded his head.

Kaito kneeled beside him and began to help Kirumi with untying the captured ones.

Maki lowered her crossbow and went over to reset the glass case and guard the moon rock, ever untrusting.

Rantaro held a firm grip on Kaede and the gun while kept under the watchful eye of Shuichi, just to ensure that neither side tried to break the deal.

Kokichi hoisted Kiibo up onto his back, muffling a complaint about how heavy the robot was, then ruffling his hair, kissing his head, repeating that he had done well, so, so well, and how he was proud of his little robot.

They exited up the rope and out the window. Gonta helped carry Kiibo out first, with Miu close behind. She claimed once they got back to the van, she would start tending to his wounds, and that she could get him fixed up soon enough.

Kokichi was the second-to-last to leave, glancing back at Kaito with a brief and hesitant "Thanks", before whisking himself off into the night.

Rantaro grasped hold of the rope, leaning in comfortably close to Kaede.

"Pachelbel's Canon," he whispered, "Nice ringtone." With that, he gave her a tiny kiss on the cheek, eyes locked on Shuichi the entire time, then dashed out through the window, gathering up the rope behind him, leaving the two shocked detectives behind him.

* * *

The van ride was silent for the first several minutes. As everyone climbed in, Korekiyo had gotten the vibe that no one wanted to talk, and simply started driving.

Miu had stayed true to her word and patched up Kiibo in less than twenty minutes. Some of his wounds would remain stiff or sore for the next few days, she explained, but after that, he would fully recover from his injuries.

After that news was announced, Kokichi sat down across from his Kiibo and smiled. Kiibo couldn't meet his gaze for very long, but smiled back, nonetheless. The robot knew his boyfriend still loved him, but he couldn't help but feel beyond useless. If not for him, the mission would have been a success.

"I'm sorry," he muttered sheepishly.

Giving him a surprised, slightly amused face, the leader asked, "Whatever for?"

Everyone's attention turned to the pair.

Rantaro wagered asking the question they had all been wondering about for the past several minutes: "So, you got it, right?"

Kokichi smirked. "Just who do you think you're talking to? Of course I got it!"

The supreme leader's hand suddenly swished out of his cape, revealing, much to Kiibo's shock and surprise, the very moon rock they had intended to steal.

The entirety of D.I.C.E. cheered.

Except for Kiibo. Kiibo was too confused to cheer.

"Kokichi Ouma, exactly WHEN did you get your hands on that!?"

The boy scratched the side of his mouth. "Somewhere between emotional breakdowns number one and two."

"B-B-But! I saw it! The assassin was guarding the moon rock when we left!"

"A highly realistic fake, forged by everyone's favorite Prophet, give her a hand, folks!"

The van burst into applause and hoots of joy.

Kokichi stood above it all, holding the moon rock above his head like a trophy and decreeing, "All according to plan!"

Rantaro scooched over next to Kiibo, pulling a document out of his pocket. "_This_ is why your boyfriend's our leader."

The document was labeled 'The Plan: How to Steal a Moon Rock in 22 Steps' By Kokichi 'Leader' Ouma. Taking it up in his hands, the robot read through the document, which read along the lines of:

**Step 1: Have Rantaro seduce Detective Shuichi Saihara and obtain Detective Kaede Akamatsu's number.**

"Wait, what!?" Kiibo bleeped, "When did _that_ happen?"

Rantaro shrugged. "About a week ago. It wasn't _really_ seducing; I just struck up a conversation with him that was interesting enough for me to offer him my phone number. When he gives me his cell phone so I can create a new contact…" He scrolled a finger through the air. "Contact menu, 'Kaede', number memorized."

"Rantaro has a photographic memory," Kokichi grinned, "It comes in handy for these sorts of things."

"But how did you know those two detectives would be on the case?"

The supreme leader rolled his eyes. "Kiibabe, _please_. What sort of phantom-thief-slash-crime-organization-head would I be if I didn't know exactly who's on my case at all times?"

The newest D.I.C.E. member directed his attention back to the green-haired boy. "So you flirted with _both_ detectives?"

He shrugged in response. "It's just part of the job. Honestly, I think Kiyo's more upset about it than I am."

A nasally voice hollered, "Of course I would be upset! While I do recognize that polyamory plays an essential part in the thriving of certain peoples, religions, and races, we do not condone 'playing the field' in this organization!"

"Well fuck you, too!" Miu scowled, before realizing, "Wait, you weren't talking about me this time, were you." She paused, catching a lock of hair between her fingers. "By the way, can I get that girl detective's phone number? She was pretty good at tying me up…"

Awestruck, Kiibo continued to read:

**Step 2: Stakeout near Momota Manor.**

**Step 3: Send people out to survey the area. I wanna put Himiko on the roof, 'cuz there's something mysteriously aesthetic ****about having a magic girl perched on the roof.**

**Step 4: Steal the tires off the detective's cars.**

"We stole the tires off of the detective's cars, too!?" Kiibo interjected.

"Sure, why not?" Kokichi shrugged. "It prevents them from chasing after us if they find out the rock's a fake."

Chop Chop nodded, gesturing to the wheels she stole, now stacked in a pile in the van's corner. "Himiko said she wanted a tire swing. That's why I agreed."

"Sitting on a swing and doing nothing is the perfect way to restore my manna," the mage chimed.

The robot read on:

**Step 5: Have fun and be yourself!**

"Why do we wait until Step 5 to have fun and be ourselves?"

"Because we can't have _too_ many shenanigans at the start of the mission! We need to make sure we at least get the foundations done effectively. _Then_ we can improvise."

**Step 6: Send out more people to do stuff.** (A comment in the margin mocked, "Very specific, Kokichi." A cursive reply in purple pen wrote "Thanks! I tried.")

**Step 7: Give me a moment alone with Kiiboy 3**

The reader blushed. "You planned that?"

"Nishishi~! I thought having a moment alone with yours truly might calm your nerves." He suddenly scowled. "I didn't expect to be interrupted by some clumsy cunt continuing to the next step ahead of schedule!"

**Step 8: Let Miu try to seduce the security guards. Have her fail and get captured.** (Scratchy pencil marks read, "Oi, why do **_I_** have to fail and get captured?!" The purple pen struck again: "Read the plan, brainless bimbo! That happens to everyone!")

**Step 9: Have Gonta carry the tires back to the van, then get captured.**

**Step 10: Make sure Tenko and Angie get captured.**

**Step 11: Himiko and Ryoma, activate plan "We Don't Have a Plan", then get captured.** (A side note read: "Can we have a competition to see who can get captured most spectacularly?" Kokichi had answered, "Sure, why not. I'll buy the winner a smoothie.")

Looking up from the plan, the supreme leader glanced around. "Alright, guys, tell me what you've got! How did the incredible members of the awesome organization of D.I.C.E. get captured today?"

"I began preaching the Word of Atua to the guards," Angie hymned. "I told them they were all going to Hell~!"

"I went down while fighting six guys at once in hand-to-hand combat," Tenko bragged, "They were all armed."

"I do think flirting with a gay man gets an honorable mention!" Miu insisted.

"Gonta try to run through wall. When wall not move, Gonta try again, and again, until guards feel wall vibrating and take Gonta away."

"I teleported myself inside of the building using magic. I ended up appearing in the middle of the guards' break room."

Glancing around, Kokichi nodded, "All pretty good stuff. What about you, Ryoma?"

Tugging down on his hat, the former prisoner explained, "Hmph. I climbed up on the roof to get all of the guards' attention. For some reason, they thought I was going to jump, so they begged me not to do it."

Ryoma gave a deep sigh, "Little did they know, I have no need for suicide, seeing as I'm already dead inside. Anyway, you should have seen their faces when I broke a window and climbed into the house. They bolted inside to catch me, so I made them run around for a while. Must've had ten guys frantically chasing after me."

He smiled and winked, giving a thumbs-up. "I played the Benny Hill theme on my phone. That made them pretty mad. Then I purposely ran myself into a dead end."

Everyone's eyes were wide, and someone said, "Wow."

The tennis star shrugged. "Strawberry banana for the smoothie, thank you very much."

Shaking his head, Kiibo turned back to the plan.

**Step 12: Have the three members on surveillance duty participate in a mad Tetris competition to decide who gets what role in the rescue. $10 says that Rantaro gets 1st place again.**

"That reminds me…" Kokichi smirked, extending a hand to Miu, who begrudgingly offered up a bill.

"Damnit, Kirumi, I believed in you!" she cursed, sticking a big fat thumbs down.

The team mom curtseyed apologetically. "I am sorry to disappoint. My specialty may be putting things away in an orderly fashion, but Mr. Amami seems to have an uncanny knack for the game!"

"Yeah, it was a close match, though," the adventurer grinned. "Even Kiyo put up a good score!"

The vehicle's driver pouted, "I am certain that I don't know what you mean by 'even Kiyo'. I have been improving my skills in these videographic games as of late, as I'm sure you know, Rantaro-kun. After all, they serve a vital role in today's popular culture., so they are part of my research."

The lime-haired boy grinned. "You're getting there! I'll play you again, later."

Kiibo, who had never been fond of video games, moved on:

**Step 13: The OTP (Kiibabe and Yours Truly) face off against moon boy's favorite sushi cut, the Maki Roll. I leave the other two to duke it out.**

**Step 14: I enter the Space Hall, where the captured Miu is. I disable the display case before the detectives try to apprehend me.**

**Step 15: Rantaro calls Kayayday's cell phone, distracting her.**

"You're the one who called her?"

"There is no such thing as convenient coincidences."

**Step 16: The top two scorers from the Tetris battle (Probably Rantaro and Kirumi) come to rescue everyone, in the process handing the replica of the moon rock off to an untied Miu.**

**Step 17: I distract everyone by being a dramatic twink long enough for Ryoma to knock the real moon rock off of its pedestal.**

**Step 18: Everyone works together using their tied-up bodies to move the moon rock as close to Gonta as possible.**

**Step 19: Kiiboy enters! Depending on how the fight goes, he'll either be a victorious and scary robot weapon or a hostage in need of saving.**

**Step 20: While I make a big show of either sobbing my eyes out or fervently making out with my awesome robo-boyfriend, Miu sets the fake moon rock on the pedestal.**

**Step 21: We start to untie everyone, and I snatch up that rock, hiding it in my cape.**

**Step 22: We "retreat" to the van, where the loser of the Tetris battle (Kiyo) is waiting to drive us away. Then, we celebrate!**

Kokichi rejoiced, folding his hands behind his head. "So, a pretty great plan, huh?"

Kiibo simply puzzled a bit longer, finally concluding,

"This entire plan hinged on me being able to hold off that assassin for just the right amount of time. You counted on the fact that I would be able to fight her well enough."

He paused to reanalyze that information. "You took that gamble, knowing full well that I could have died, Kokichi, _you_ could have died because of me!" Kiibo was unsure whether to be angry or confused. "You do realize that if my reflexes had been even a bit slower, you would be dead right now, right?"

The boy held his face blank, finally answering, "I just trusted that that wouldn't happen." Continuing on, he elaborated, "Or more specifically, I trusted _you_, Kiibo." He smiled. "I trusted that my boyfriend was fully capable of matching the most skilled human weapon in the world, and I believed in you until the very end. I trusted that you wouldn't let me die, and, it would seem that my trust was well-placed."

Kiibo was speechless.

Kokichi cocked his head. "And by the way, _your_ life was never in danger. Regardless of what she said, Maki Roll wouldn't have had it in her to kill you. That's why she chose to take you hostage instead of simply finishing the job."

"So, in a way, you trusted her, too?"

The smaller boy smirked, "It was more that I trusted your cute face and innocent nature to disarm her violent tendencies, but sure, you can see it that way."

Eyes glossing over, the supreme leader directed his gaze straight ahead, dictating into the void. "In this kind of work, you need to take calculated risks, take chances, roll the dice a little. I put my life in your hands today. I'd do it again in a heartbeat. That fact may scare you, Kiiboy, but…"

Suddenly, he turned in close, lips brushing against Kiibo's ear as he whispered,

"It's just because I trust you more than anyone."

Not missing a beat, the robot whispered back a simple question:

"Why?"

"Because you trust in me," he replied just as simply. "Let's face it, Kiibabe: I'm a liar, a cheater, a thief. No one should have any reason to believe in anything I say or do, but for some reason, you put your faith in me. That's why you agreed to come on this mission, despite all the danger. To be honest, I lie so much that even no one here fully trusts everything I say, except Gonta, maybe, but he's just gullible, and then you." With a quizzical look, Kokichi wondered, "For some reason, you don't seem to think I'm a bad person."

Kiibo quietly faced forward, muttering, "I don't believe anyone's truly a bad person."

He took his boyfriend gently by the hand, almost missing the softly uttered phrase that escaped his lips:

"Thank you."

Kiibo squeezed his hand tightly, feeling the blush rise to his cheeks. All around him, the members of D.I.C.E. had begun dozing off, exhausted from the night's activities. It was thus that Leader rested his head on Roboboy's shoulder, snuggling up close to the cold, hard metal that was cozy with familiarity. Gently kissing the smaller boy's forehead, Kiibo sighed.

"So… when's the next mission?"


End file.
